


what is left

by avienexjel



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Everyone Feels, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony and Steve need to have a nice long chat, i like to imagine in my head they've secretly really missed each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 07:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14732193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avienexjel/pseuds/avienexjel
Summary: post-infinity war.  everyone is tired.  tony comes home.





	what is left

**Author's Note:**

> i am SO SORRY if you've read my other fics i like NEVER update i promise none are abandoned i'm just...  
> i'm SO BAD I'M SORRY !! :')  
> i will be updating one of them soon i promise i promise

 

**thor**

Thor doesn't know what to do now that the battle is over.  The Guardians and Stark and possibly some other people are stranded millions of miles away in a different solar system - that is, if they haven't disintegrated into dust like half the planet - and the Avengers are broken, staggering, barely able to cope with their loss.  The real problem is, he's good at fighting. Superb, even. But when there is nothing to fight, he just feels lost. Without the battle, all he's got is an endless amount of time filled with thoughts he can't obliterate.

He thinks to himself,  _ I've lived a thousand years.  Perhaps it's about time my luck ran out. _

"I thought I had nothing left to lose," Thor rasps.  His voice sounds thick and heavy and cracked in the warm Wakandan air.  He looks up with both his real eye and his electronic one; he isn't sure what he's expecting to see, but he doesn't anticipate the perfectly clear blue sky.  It makes his gut churn in rage; what a sick joke it is to have such beautiful weather when the universe has just lost a countless amount of souls.

"There is always something more to lose."

Thor looks away sharply and sees Natasha, face bruised and blonde hair hanging lank, propped against a tree trunk a few feet away from him.  She shakes her head, slowly, but doesn't continue. She's probably feeling just as lost as he is. It's funny, he thought it couldn't hurt anymore, not after Loki's -  _ god, Loki's -  _ death, and the brutal massacre of the remainder of his people.  But looking around and realizing that his second home is slowly fading away…  Natasha is right. There is always more to lose.

_ Home is not a place, but a people,  _ echoes Odin's voice in his head, and a half-sob, half-laugh rises in Thor's throat.  If his father could see how life turned out after his death, he would probably take those words back.   _ What people? _ _  
_ Looking around, he realizes that Natasha has gone, probably headed back to the Wakandan palace  He can hear people in the distance, moving around, probably Steven Rogers and his comrades and whoever's left.  Probably carrying Vision as well, an all-too-real reminder that many people have died gruesomely in this war against Thanos, not just by disappearing into dust.  

With a great heaving sigh, Thor rises from the fallen tree trunk where he had been sitting, and curls his bloodied hands into fists.  Everything is over, but there are still people on Earth that he can help. There is always something more to lose, but always something more to give.

|||

**natasha**

_ "An unauthorized ship has entered the atmosphere"  _ are the first words Natasha hears as the comm on her bedside vibrates, snapping her awake.  She checks the time - it's 2pm in the afternoon, it's been a day after Thanos killed off half the planet, and she had only just gone to bed four and a half hours ago.

"They are requesting access," says Shuri's solemn voice over the speakers.  "To Wakanda."

_ "Fuck,"  _ Natasha hisses as she springs out of bed and sprints outside as fast as she can, only just remembering to grab her comm as she goes.  Standing in the bright sun in front of the palace, she can make out a ship hovering above Wakanda's shimmering protective bubble. It looks like it's about to fall apart, almost as if it were held together by tape and will alone.

There are hurried footsteps behind her, and she glances back quickly to see Steve, Rhodes, Okoye and some of the other Dora Milaje, that little raccoon (Rocket?), Thor, and...that's it.  Natasha feels a pang in her heart, knowing that Sam, and Bucky, and Wanda, they're all gone, they're all dead - and even if they aren't dead, they're definitely not here anymore. She quells the rising emotions, tilting her head back and squinting against the glare.  There's no time to dwell on what they've lost. They just have to...fight and...fight and…

Natasha glances briefly at Steve.  His eyebrows are drawn together and his face looks so worn, so tired.  "Alright," he mutters. "Does everyone have...is everyone prepared? There's a good chance this ship is a hostile."

She realizes he doesn't sound like a Captain right now.  He sounds like a broken human being that has been through too much to bear.

Beside Steve, Thor starts to shake his head in confusion.  "No," the god says, making a face. "I - I recognize that ship."

"Asgardians?" Steve says, too quickly, and Thor flinches like he has just noticed that he isn't standing here alone.  

"All my people are dead.  That ship…"

_ "Milano,"  _ Rocket breathes out.  His eyes widen and shine, and his paws twist together with stifling hope.  "That's  _ my  _ ship, frick, that's  _ my goddamn ship - " _

Through the comms, Shuri's voice crackles and dips as she says, hesitantly, "There is a woman on the other line.  She says her name is Nebula...and she says she has Tony Stark."

|

It takes a long time for Steve to agree to open the barrier and let the ship land.  He continually argues that this Nebula, whoever she is, is probably a liar and a definite enemy.  Rocket, the little raccoon, says that the woman is the sister of his crewmate Gamora, but even he falters as he speaks of her.  "They were never really on the best of terms. But the rest of my team - they're there. They're trustworthy. They're...man, they're annoying, alright, but they're the best crew there is."

On the other hand, Rhodes stands with his arms crossed, eyebrows hard dark lines.  "If that's  _ Tony  _ up there _ ,"  _ he says stiffly, "we're letting the ship through,  _ Captain.  No matter what." _

However, when Shuri lets the line through to the rest of them and Nebula says very clearly, "Your Terran is injured, and we do not have enough supplies to help him on this ship", Steve's face blanches white and he fidgets once, like he is warring with himself.

"Alright," he says finally.  "If Stark - if Tony is hurt, we can deal with...with whoever else is on the ship later."

Natasha is in fact suspicious as well, but she voices none of her concerns.  The hope, the desperation that Tony Stark is still alive and  _ here,  _ at last, is too much for even her distrusting nature.

The barrier peels back slowly and the  _ Milano  _ descends.  Rocket is on the tips of his paws with his body vibrating in anticipation.  For a second, Natasha almost pities him. She's seen people and creatures like that before, so excited to see the ones they love, only to realize what came back was more empty than expected.

When the ship lands, Steve is at the ramp in a flash, so fast even Natasha can't keep up with him.  She regards him thoughtfully, noting how - even with the supersoldier serum - he nearly stumbles over his own feet in his rush.  She won't fool herself by pretending that Steve is there for anyone besides Tony, and yet she would've suspected that past events held too much weight to ignore.   _ But what would I know?   _ That's one thing she's always been bad at, she supposes; figuring out relationships has never been her forte as much as faking them.  

Natasha is still lost in thought when two figures appear at the top of the ramp.  One is short in stature and clings onto the thin, curvy woman beside him. As they make their way down, the shorter one staggers and nearly falls, his cheeks pale even in the shadows of the ship.

Her heart swells into her throat and some indescribable emotion cuts through her lungs like a blade.   _ Stark.  Tony.  _ She still remembers the last thing she said to him, the last thing she ever said to him before she disappeared to go after Steve and the rest of them:  _ "I'm not the one that needs to watch their back."   _ She'd called him selfish, and many more things she can't even remember now.  A bitter taste fills her mouth, even as she watches Steve hovering awkwardly at the bottom of the ramp, hands fluttering.  Even as Rocket steps forward, then stops, as nobody follows the woman and Tony down the ramp. Even as Tony stumbles again, one arm pressed to his abdomen, where there is a large dark patch on his shirt.

Natasha still remembers how she felt at the time, when she'd almost spit at Tony, watching him out of the corner of her eye.  She remembers being angry, angry that he had gone against Steve, angry that this had shoved her into a tight situation that would be hard to get out of without betraying anyone.   _ Why did she get mad at only Tony?   _

She won't admit it out loud, but it's very easy to get mad at the billionaire.  He can be very brash, and rude, and that day… Natasha didn't want to lose anybody.  So she snapped at him for it and probably lost him anyway. 

Tony reaches the bottom of the ramp with the - is that a blue-skinned...android?  Alien? - woman, his eyelashes fluttering. Rhodes sprints over to Tony on his mechanized StarkTech legs, speaking softly to the engineer as he hurries to help share his best friend's weight.  As Natasha watches, fat tears swell at the corners of his eyes and drip down his cheeks as the Colonel buries his face into Tony's neck, inhaling. Thor rushes forward to support Tony as well, and Steve stands to the side, close but not too close, face drawn but worried. 

"What happened?" Okoye demands.  "To Stark?" She motions frantically.  "We must get him to medical immediately."

The woman (who must be Nebula) nods once, stiffly.  "Stabbed." Her voice sounds vaguely robotic, but also filled with a humanlike tension.  "Thanos stabbed him."

Natasha sucks in a breath as she makes her way to Steve's side, placing a hand on his back reassuringly.  He glances down at her - his eyes are aged; a lot of things have happened in the two years the Avengers have been split apart - and his face changes ever so slightly with gratefulness.  "Hey. You've missed him, haven't you." Her voice is low; it is not a question.

Steve's lips tighten before he nods, once.  "I didn't realize...how much…"  _ Yes,  _ Natasha agrees silently as she looks into those tired blue eyes.   _ It's hard to know how empty an absence feels until it's left its hole behind. _

Rocket abruptly shoots forward all of a sudden from next to Natasha's legs, looking panicked as his eyes dart from the ship to Nebula to the ship again.  "My crew?" he says, almost breathless. His voice is a croak. "Where's my - where's Quill, and Drax, and Mantis, and Groot, and Gamora - "

At Gamora's name, Nebula's eyes flare up with a deep and intense rage.  She bares her teeth, her fingers tightening on Tony's shoulder. "They all disappeared.  All of them." She lifts her chin. "Except for Gamora. She's dead."

For a second, it seems as if Rocket can't do anything but gape.   _ "What happened?"  _ he demands, voice rising.   _ "What happened to my crew?" _

"I told you already," Nebula snaps, and Thor takes Tony's weight gently from her arms.  "They disintegrated. Poof. Gone. Dust." A snarl crawls up from low in her throat. "And Thanos killed Gamora.  Killed her in exchange for the Soul Stone."

A strangled, scratchy noise twists its way out from Rocket's mouth and suddenly the raccoon looks so damn lost that Natasha wants to, she doesn't know, pet his furry head or something.  She feels like that wouldn't be appreciated though. "I…" Rocket shakes his head, glancing once at Steve and Natasha before heading back to the palace. "Glad your Tony Stark is alive."

In Thor's arms, Tony's eyes suddenly clear as they latch onto the two remaining ex-Avengers, and she feels Steve hesitate.  "Tony," he says, stutteringly. He clears his throat. It's almost funny, actually, how this new Steve - more solemn, bearded, missing his blue and white starred shield - looks so young again.  Natasha would laugh at this newfound shyness if she didn't know the backstory or the people behind it.

"Rogers," Tony whispers hoarsely as blood trickles from a corner of his mouth.  Suddenly, his knees give out and he drops like a stone, only saved from hitting the cement by Thor's and Rhodey's arms.  

Okoye curses in Xhosa, shouting orders to the remaining Dora Milaje.  Immediately, they run off, presumably to get something for Tony, who is turning paler by the second.  His eyes slide open for one second before closing again, and he sags in Thor's hold.

By his side, Nebula turns to look at them all.  She has no iris, only large, dark pupils that make Natasha shiver inside.  It is so much harder to read a person's eyes when they are pitch black like that.  The cybernetic Luphomoid turns to them with an achingly cold expression. "I have no pod," she says, "besides this one."  She gestures. "But it isn't mine." She waits; there is a pause.

Okoye regards her carefully, before nodding her assent.  "We will provide you with a ship, under the conditions that you bring Earth no harm.  I will have N'Tokya lead you to a room, if you wish." 

As Nebula turns to follow the Wakandan to the palace, Steve says quietly, so quietly that no one but Natasha might've even heard it, "Thank you for bringing Stark - Tony - home."  

|

The next few hours blur together in a haze.  By the time the Wakandans return with a stretcher, Tony has been unconscious for several minutes.  Thor has laid him on the ground flat on his back, and Natasha can't help but think how small Tony looks, how bruised and battered and so unlike the larger-than-life persona he usually exudes to the world.  She's never seen Stark like this - almost at the brink of death - and realizes there are a lot of ways she hasn't seen him. He had not trusted her enough to show her the deeper parts of him, and she had not been kind enough to invite him to, but what's done is done.  Natasha knows, just as well as anyone here, that she cannot change the past. 

She crouches down next to him as the other Wakandans prepare to whisk him away to medical.  A sleek medical pod pulls up and Tony is loaded in on the stretcher; the doors are about to close when Natasha stops it with a hand and grabs Steve by the shirt, pulling him along with her firmly.  "We'd like to come."

A Dora Milaje looks at her with deep brown eyes before nodding once.  She must see something in Natasha's face, even though the redhead is sure that her face is completely composed.

The aircraft rises into the air towards the hospital-lab Shuri works in as Rhodey crouches down next to his friend, still mumbling words she can't make out but are presumably to reassure and comfort Tony.  His dark hands grip one of Tony's tightly, like he can't bear to let go. Across the med-pod, Steve hunches on a seat, his knuckles pale, fingers curled in. His facial hair makes him look like he shouldn't be someone who gets worried, or scared, but Natasha can tell.  Tony's breaths are shallow and jagged, and Steve is utterly and thoroughly afraid.

"He's going to be alright," she murmurs quietly to him, her hand on his knee.  "Stark is a tough one. He makes it through everything."

Steve just smiles sadly at her.  "Everything wears out eventually."  (She realizes he's probably not just talking about the billionaire.)

As a Wakandan nurse flits around Tony's body with rags soaked in blood and high-tech devices, Steve turns back to Natasha with the saddest sky-blue gaze she's ever seen.  "I thought our reunion would be different," he says softly. "Not...not this."

Natasha doesn't agree.  Deep in the back of her mind, of her heart, she had known all along that they would probably only come together to fight.  Without a battle, what are they but lost?

"He looks the same, honestly," Steve admits quietly.  "He looked happier on TV, too. With Pepper, and Vision, and everybody."

Natasha tilts her head at him.  "Were you glad he was happier? Before all this?"  She motions with a hand around the jet.

"Of course!" Steve says loudly before looking down, the heat rising in his cheeks.  "Of course. I just wasn't there to see him recover."

"You left him there.  In Siberia." The assassin looks at him pointedly.

"I had to protect Bucky," Steve whispers.  "At the expense of Tony, I know. And we didn't agree on the Accords matter.  But I couldn't...Bucky is…"

She knows, very well, what Steve means.  When she thinks about Clint, and Coulson  _ (god, Coulson),  _ she knows she would have done the same thing, even if it was a rash decision.  

Natasha shakes her head, and leans her head on his shoulder.  "You both made mistakes. It's about time you made up in person."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed? to be honest i feel like infinity war should definitely have had more character arcs and relationship exploration. everything was just bambambam, war fighting violence, and marvel's famous for that. however, i think this movie, having been post-civil war/post-ragnarok, should really have focused more on the characters for who they are as people.  
> ...like, even if they had had to split infinity war up into 2 movies or stretch it to even - lmao - four hours or something.  
> \--> also can i just say, it took like a day after infinity war and suddenly i was reading these really sad post-iw fics and just felt sO cOmpLetELy rekt??? i suddenly just started thinking about how nothing is really repaired, and nobody had time to repair anything...but then, i guess avengers 4 will focus on the characters themselves. i hope so. after all, all the core/original characters were left behind. and they really need to talk to each other...not for forgiveness, or friendship, or anything like that, but because i think all of them - steve, tony, clint, etcetera - need some communication and closure. even if it's been two years and they've buried it deep inside them.
> 
> just...omg...so much has changed since 2012...


End file.
